A Christmas to Remember
by Aurora Denain
Summary: Harry's having a dismal Christmas.  Is there anything to cheer him up?  AU  Written before DH.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the events which happened in the books. If I did I would be able to pay off my student loans.

Summery: Harry is having a dismal Christmas. Is there anything that can brighten his holiday? HP/LL AU

AN: Luna, and in a few places Harry, is ooc. This shouldn't be a surprise for anyone who has read my other stories. This was written, or well started, about a two years before book seven came out, so don't complain about it being off cannon. It's just been setting on my computer as is for about a year and a half so I edited it slightly and am posting it as part one of a two shot, the second to come out sometime before Christmas. Thanks, and please review.

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**A Christmas to Remember**

**Part 1**

Harry sighed as he watched the bustling activity in the Burrow. Everyone seemed to be alive with the spirit of the holiday. They really didn't have a reason not to this year. Voldemort was gone, the war was over, and everything was as it should be. But he wasn't happy.

Everything in his life was seeming to work out. He'd beaten Voldemort, saved everyone, and been awarded the Order of Merlin 1st class. He had even been offered several political and teaching positions around the world! None of it made him happy though.

Staring into the room he saw Ginny, his once girlfriend and his best friend's little sister, kiss Neville, her fiancee, under the mistletoe. On the other side of the room Ron shot glares at him while his own girlfriend Cho Chang, another ex-girlfriend of Harry's, tried to get him to calm down. Everyone seemed to have someone to spend the holidays with, a significant other of some kind. All of Ron's brothers were married, with the exception of Percy who was a recent widower, and had brought their wives and children to the party. Even Hermione was with someone, albeit it was Malfoy. Sighing once again, Harry quietly slipped from the house, determined to get some fresh air.

The night air was cool and crisp as Harry made his way into the garden. Setting on one of the benches he stared out over the snow covered hills of the surrounding countryside. It was beautiful and in some ways reminded him of Hogwarts during the winter months. Allowing a soft smile to drift over his lips he thought back to his time at Hogwarts.

He had no more begun to reminisce when he caught sight of something red heading in his direction in the snow. Straightening up he squinted to try and make out the object but it was too far away to tell what it was. Just as it was about to the edge of the pond, a couple hundred feet away, it disappeared completely. Leaning forward Harry stared at where it had been. It was dark out side, almost pitch black since the moon was only slightly more then a quarter full. There was clearly nothing there, and the idea that he had imagined it all irked him slightly.

"What are you staring at?" an airy voiced whispered, so close to his ear that he could feel their breath. Harry jumped a bit in fright, all the while cursing himself that he'd gone soft in the past years, and in the process managed to fall off of the bench he had been occupying. Landing hard on the ground he turned sharply to see who had snuck up on him. Standing there, was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

Luna Lovegood, clad in a dress reminiscent of a Santa Clause suite, stood before him with a perplexed look on her face. "Are you alright, Harry?" she asked tilting her head to the side. Harry nodded absently, he was far too distracted by the way the soft cotton ball at the end of her hat hit her cheek when she moved her head. Giving her own nod, she reached out a gloved hand to help him up from the cold ground.

Once he was firmly standing again Harry noticed that Luna stood much taller then she normally did. Looking down he saw that she was wearing knee high red boots to match the rest of her outfit. Harry had to focus on his breathing for a moment. He had found Luna attractive for many years now, but as she stood in front of him in her quirky holiday costume he found her even more so. It was so like Luna to show up wearing something odd instead of a normal party dress but this was definitely farther then she'd ever taken it before.

With a dazed look in her eyes and an impish smile on her face Luna looked him straight in the eyes. "What are you doing out here? I thought the party was inside." she asked a slight frown replacing her earlier smile. In that moment Harry wanted to do anything to make her smile like that again. The mere sight of it had made him wish to do things he knew he should not be thinking about at the moment.

Shifting uncomfortably he tried to think of an answer. "Well, um...I ...That is to say... Hot!" he exclaimed, startling Luna a bit. Trying desperately to recover from the slip up he pressed on. "That is to say, it was... Very hot inside. So I came out here for a breath of fresh air." Nodding slowly Luna looked at him for a moment, it was almost as though she was trying to determine if he was sane or not.

She stared at him for a moment more before smiling softly and turning towards the house. "Well surely you've cooled down by now. Lets go inside, Molly always has the best cookies." she said walking off.

"Wait!" Harry shouted, startling her as well as himself. "Um ... Maybe we could stay out here for a few more minutes. You know, um, enjoy the snow?" Nodding Luna walked back towards him and set down on the bench. Staring after here for a minute Harry followed suit and sat down beside her.

Silence engulfed them, Harry not knowing what to say, and Luna looking as though she could care less. "So, um, I hear your working at the Quibbler now." he said, attempting to start a conversation. Luna, not even bothering to look at him, nodded. Sighing Harry tried again. "Do you like it there? I mean, it was your father's paper." As soon as the words escaped his mouth Harry wished he could take them back. Luna's father had died during the war, and he knew it was a sore subject where Luna was concerned. Noone ever mentioned Mr. Lovegood for fear of causing Luna grief.

Luna didn't seem to have heard him though. She merely sat there looking at the snowy landscape. After a few more moments of silence she spoke softly. "It's alright to talk about him. You should never truly forget those that are gone. That's what he used to say anyway. After my mum died he wouldn't talk about her for the longest time, it hurt too much I suppose. Then, about a year later, he started talking about her again. I suppose that when not talking about it didn't help he figured he would try things the other way around."

The words hit Harry hard. He had lost both parents yes, but he supposed he would have been able to handle the loss better if he felt as though he had known them at all. His aunts refusal to even mention his mother had hurt him as a child. There was a comfort in knowing that someone else had experienced something similar. Neither of their childhoods had been easy but Luna had still had her father to turn to. Now she didn't even have that.

Sighing again, Harry let his eyes drift over the snow-covered fields. He seemed to sigh a lot these days. The war had been harsh, yes, but at least then he had some idea of what he was meant to do. Now he had very little direction to guide him. He was free to live a perfectly normal life, the only problem was he wasn't exactly sure he knew how. When most teenagers had been dating, hanging out with friends and basically being teenagers, he'd had to worry about whether or not that year would be his last. He had been fighting for his life since he was a year old. Now there was no fight, no Voldemort, no death looming at the end of it all. He had survived and that had never been factored into his planes before. The melancholy mood he had been in earlier only seemed to expand as he sat and thought.

Glancing beside him he stared at Luna. She truly was beautiful. Her hair hung in waves, framing her face perfectly. Her eyes were still wide and dreamy after all of the horrors they had seen. Breathing in deeply he caught her scent, a mixture of parchment and ink accompanied by a flowery undertone. Taking another breath he recognized it as orchards with a hint of vanilla. He had caught a waft of it all those years ago at Slughorn's party and he had known from that moment on he would know it anywhere.

A soft smile crossed his lips as he thought about how much time he had spent thinking about the women beside him. Even when he had been dating Ginny a small part of him had noticed just how much Luna could mean to him. As the years had gone on those feelings had only increased, little by little until he came to where he was now. In love with her. He knew that he shouldn't be. That there was no way she felt the same. He had hoped, of course, but the last of it had died a few days before.

He had arrived at the Burrow, intending to spend the holiday with his adoptive family. He had settled into his old bedroom, really Charlie's, and was preparing to head down to supper when he heard voices in the hall. Noticing that one of them was Hermione he had almost stepped out the door to say hello when he noticed what, or rather who, they were talking about. It turns out that Luna had confided in Ginny her feeling for a 'certain male member of the golden trio'. He had held his breath, waiting for them to say his name, to make his dreams come true. Instead Cho's came up. Luna was jealous that Cho was the object of her love's affection.

A small part of Harry crumbled when he heard that. Luna was in love with Ron, and there was nothing Harry could do about it. He had waited too long to speak up. Everyone had always expected that if Ron didn't end up with Hermione he would naturally choice someone like Lavender or Luna. When he had announced at Neville's Halloween party that he and Cho were in a serious relationship it had thrown everyone for a loop. No one had honestly seen it coming. Now Harry was placed in a love triangle he hadn't known existed.

"Harry? Are you feeling well?" Luna's soft voice breathed close to his face. Blinking rapidly he pulled back. She had obviously felt him staring. Coughing nervously Harry nodded his head, not daring to look in her direction. "Are you certain? You look a bit flushed. Perhaps you have had long term exposer to nefaran bombies. They're a sort of flower. I've read that they can cause irritation, and reddening in those who have a preconceived allergy to milkweed. I seem to remember you having allergies that summer in Godric's Hollow. You should really get a potion to clear it up." Nodding slowly, Harry wondered who she managed to talk so much yet saw so little at the same time. "Perhaps we should go inside. I'm sure Molly would have something to help you."

Shaking his head Harry stared straight ahead. The last thing he need was for everyone to see him like this. "I'm fine, Luna. Just fine." he said in a slightly unsteady voice. This was not good. He could not be seen in this... state by everyone.

Luna looked at him curiously before letting her eyes drift back towards the Burrow. "Are you certain? I mean, this really should be taken care of as quickly as possible." she said, not taking her eyes off the house. Harry noticed that she seemed in a hurry to get inside. He tried to tell himself that it was because she was cold, but he knew better. Ron was inside. It was only natural that Luna would want to be in there as well.

Heaving a sigh, Harry smiled at her gently. "If you want to go in its okay. I'll be fine out here by myself. Go, enjoy the party." he said, another little piece wasting away. He'd be fine, he reasoned, in another two or three decades. He could still hope that someday Luna would notice, that is if she didn't find someone else.

Running a finger over his scared forearm he once again allowed his eyes to drift over the land. He truly did love Christmas, even if it was a recent addition to his life. He wasn't about to deny the women he loved her Christmas wish. "Luna," he started, looking over to where she still sat quietly. "If you could have anything you wanted for Christmas, what would it be?"

Silence surrounded them, making Harry a bit nervous. 'Does she not want me to know? Is she afraid of telling me something so secret?'he thought as he stared at her.

"I want," she began in a quiet voice. Shaking her head she stayed quiet for another moment, trying to collect her thoughts. "I want, the one thing I'm never allowed to have. I want what every women wants, but I want it from the wrong person. There for I can never have it." Harry could see the tears in her eyes, but he didn't want to hug her, for fear of invading her space. Her shoulders began to shake softly as he watched, her sobs becoming harder.

No longer able to handle it he swiftly pulled her into his arms. She stilled for a moment but what ever objections she had were never voiced as she settled into his arms and hide her face in his chest. Resting his chin on top of her head, Harry waited for the worst of the sobs to be spent. Once she had quieted she pulled away slightly so she could look at him. Staring into her crystalline eyes Harry once again found himself giving in to his impulses.

His lips had reached her's before he even had a coherent thought of what he was doing. The feel of her lips against his could only be described as magical. The taste, the feel, all of it consumed him in till he found himself deepening the kiss. The minutes passed in a blur from then. All that Harry was aware of was Luna in his arms, returning his kisses.

Finally pulling away, both were panting. Luna's eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and her cheeks glowed in the dim moonlight. "We shouldn't have done that." she whispered softly. Sadness clung to her like a blanket as she pulled away even further, wrapping her arms around herself to block out a nonexistent chill. She refused to look at him and instead found the hem of her dress very intriguing.

Harry wasn't sure if he should be angry or heartbroken, the girl of his dreams had just kissed him back and then told him it shouldn't have happened. Opening his mouth to apologize he was cut off as she suddenly stood. "We really ought to get inside. You'll be missed." her voice practically nonexistent in the light breeze. Still staring open mouthed he watched her hurry into the house. Having no clue what to do, he stared after her, his heart sinking with each passing moment. She'd never love him.

tbc.

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AN: There is a second part to this so don't freak out. I haven't started it yet but I know how its going to go so don't worry it'll be up sometime before Christmas. Thanks and please review. 


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